Monday, March 7, 2011

House Of Wax

 Believe it or not I'm not trying to turn this blog into one of horror! It can certainly seem like it as I'm now about to review another! This only came about because House of Wax was on television last night so I decided to watch it before delving into Butch Cassidy.This started at 10.15 p.m and I knew something about it before I starting watching. You know, Paris Hilton and all that. I do re-call this playing in Napier but I think because of Hilton I didn't bother to see it. I was surprised to find Elisha Cuthbert also starred , so she was an added incentive to watch it. Don't get me wrong here, Cuthbert CAN'T act!!!!!!! She is B-grade movie material and that is where she belongs. But, and this is a big but, she is one seriously hot fox!!!!! and I'll watch anything with her in it just to have a drool. She is a genuinely beautiful female.
 More of her later!.....Ah what the hell! Lets get to best part involving her! In one scene she is asleep at night in a tent when she hears something outside. She gets up and goes to have a look....are you feeling scared or tense yet? not? is a horror after all. You know why why you aren't? Because Cuthbert is walking around in the sexiest pair of white hotpants you have ever seen on a female!!! And believe me the gates of hell could have been opening but nothing upon nothing could have turned my eyes off her legs, and that glorious arse!! She is just so unbelievably hot! I have included a photo still but it doesn't do her any justice..see the movie as she looks soooooooo much yummier!
 In many respects after you have seen that you might as well turn the rest off as nothing else is going to compare!!!! Enough already! Get serious, this a review of a horror and not Elisha Cuthbert's rear end...or her legs...or her..other bits!! But hey it is a horror so we must get the obligatory horror cliques of hot young babes. Unfortunately though ( ?! ) Wax doesn't oblige us with any 'titty' shots. Bugger, I'm already liking this film less now!
 House of Wax was pretty much condemned when it was released. I don't think it is that bad and in fact I rather enjoyed. Did I mention Elisha Cuthbert in a pair of....Oh yeah, I did! It isn't as bad as it is made out to be and is no worse than any other of the multitude of B-grade horrors ever made. I thought the plot was quite cool and original even though it is a re-make. The idea of a small town's population being slowly killed off and made into wax statues is intriging.
 The movie has all the trappings of the genre so there is nothing new there. But the wax theme is interesting. I loved the wax figures everywhere and the actual house was amazing. The idea of all those figures actually being people was kind of creepy. The body count is low, as is the gore. It is there but not to the extent of other horrors. It is more about the wax than the bloodshed.
 This movie has a unique element to it that very few films have ever had. And that is provided by Paris Hilton. People went in droves to theatres just to see her getting knocked off. It is something of folklore that patrons were yelling in theatres 'knock the bitch off'!! Has there ever been an actress that patrons wanted that to happen to so much!! Hilton is as bad an actress as you'll ever see. She was cast to be killed off and get the punters in to see it happen. And she gets it in great style with a metal pipe shoved through her head, which is then pulled out with the necessary slurping sounds. All of which is being filmed with a hand held camera by her assailant to boot!
 Overall I didn't think Wax was all that bad. It isn't great and can't even begin to compare with Demons. But I think it isn't THAT bad. It is B-grade but the majority of horrors are. It is enjoyable in the way only films of the genre are, and Cuthbert in her white hotpants...oh not that again! The house melting at the end is spectacular and provides some really good CGI. It will be interesting to see it again in twenty years time to see how well they have stood the test of time. I'm sure like Hellraiser etc of recent reviews they will look quite tame by then.
 For me this wasn't as bad as I'd been led to believe. It is somewhat crappy but in a fun type of way. I wouldn't go racing down to your local video store to see it, but also wouldn't say don't bother.  Believe me there are far worse films ever made that would make this look really good!! It is a good film to just blob out in front of when you don't want to do too much thinking.......except guys, you'll be thinking ALOT when you see Elisha in her hot pants, if you know what I mean!!!!!!!! 
Click here for a synopsis:
and here for the official site:


  1. I remember seeing this in the cinema and being terrified.......I don't remember the hot pants....

  2. Ah well it must just be my roving eyes that noticed such a thing!!!
    Like all horrors they don't relate to the small well at all. I suppose it is because they are without surround sound and the fright moments aren't in such 'in your face' sized dimensions and can't achieve the same ipmact.
    I generally don't see horrors in cinemas for this reason and wait for them on DVD where they won't scare me so much!!!!!!!!!

  3. I don't watch horrors that often either but when I do I see them in the cinema to get the full effect

    I am very brave!