Saturday, March 19, 2011

Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid

 Friday night already! The week has shot on by and I can't believe it is only seven nights ago that I watched the first Anaconda movie. I almost rented the DVD on Wednesdy night but refrained as I remembered that it was to play on Television.
 It is not often that a sequel is better than its predecessor but in this case I think it is. I like the first Anaconda movie but I think the second is superior. It is unusal in that the first movie had some high profile actors in it, but the second is virtually a cast of unknowns. The acting is correspondingly low but somehow it adds to the overall fun, because this is nothing short of rubbish!!
 How is it that we watch b-grade movies? Most are so bad it is insulting to watch them. And yet some are quite good. I must admit I like b-grade movies, but unfortunately you have to wade through the really horrible to find the good. Even within a second rate tier of movie making there is quality. I think the first two Anaconda movies are in this league. They both have a good budget. The cinematography is very reasonable, and the acting is more than passable.
 The problem with reviewing b-graders is that it is difficult to actually write anything about them!! You can concentrate on the negatives, but that is too easy, after all it is b-grade material. It is harder to find postives, and enough of them to write about. Fortunately I'm not constricted by a word limit as I may find myself unable to fill my quota!!
 As far as b-graders go is this sequel any good. Well yes!! B-grade movies aren't made to be thought provoking or to set the world on fire. They are cheap to be made in huge numbers and provide studios with a ready stream of income. Fair enough. In essence they are no brainers for pure entertainment, and I am a fan of them within reason. So Blood Orchid won me over as I was entertained. 
 In this second take there are far more Anacondas than the first. It also takes place in Borneo and not the Amazon. The fact that anacondas do not come from Borneo is to be overlooked though!!! B-grade remember, b-grade! Also it is based during the monsoon season and there is much play about how dangerous the rivers will be and yet there they are travelling up rivers that are barely swollen! Wouldn't want to risk the lives of those b-grade actors would we!! And like the first the actors are initialy barely sweating even though they are in a tropical country. Good attention to detail huh?!
 KaDee Strickland is the resident blonde babe and looks as fresh as a daisy as the boat meanders its way up river. The others all look like they have stepped out of the shower too. But KaDee is a babe so my eyes were firmly fixed on her!!! Mmmmm KaDee!! Great looker but no actress! And loe and behold, she keeps her shirt on! No bare breasts for the anaconda movies!! Bugger!!!
 So of course we know how it goes. The anacondas get hungry and start to eat some of them up. But it isn't just one as it is mating season and the horny males are all out looking for the lone horny female. ( They do find her and we get to see some anaconda porn as they are writhing around in a big jungle orgy!! ) Oh no, sounds like a recipe for disaster!! So we get the usual b-grade anaconda in all its rubbery glory slithering around and feasting on some succulent humans. Luckily the tasty KaDee isn't on the menu because if she had been I'd have instantly turned the rest off!! No eye candy means me no watchie!!
 Actually as the survivors make their way through the jungle they do get sweaty and dirty. And god knows how she done it, but KaDee gets sexier the dirtier she gets, my god, what a woman!! The worst part of the whole movie though isn't the rubber snake. It is provided by a black guy who screams and wimpers his way through each scene. He really started to piss me off and I prayed he'd get eaten, but alas no, he is one of the survivors. Bloody pussy, KaDee showed a bigger pair than you did sucker.
 This is b-grade material at it worst and most glorious!! It is stupid and full of holes and you groan your way through it all. It is nothing but unadulterated fun though!! I really enjoyed this and it is far better than the first instalment. It isn't as bad as I make out and is quite a reasonable watch. Just don't expect to walk away from it having had your intellect stretched though. But for me this is the aim of b-graders, to provide easy entertainment. You watch them and can then turn around and appreciate a really good movie when you see one.
 Oh yeah did I mentioned that there is a hot blonde in this...I don't think I did! Mmmmm KaDee!! How can a woman who has trugded through half of Borneo's jungle still look so hot in a pair of filthy track suit pants?? Mmmm!! I kid you not when I say if she had ended up as anaconda tucker the tele would have been off in a flash!!
 Nothing but b-grade fun!!! Enjoy!!...especially KaDee Strickland as the sexy Sam guys!! Wink wink!!
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  1. The Anaconda movies rank amongst my guilty pleasures, I was even tempted to buy the box set of all four films when I saw it in a store the other week, luckily I resisted!
    I think you sum up the attraction of Blood Orchid perfectly, it's just great fun and you're last paragraph about the hot blonde really cracked me up.
    Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

  2. Ha ha! At last someone has read this!! KaDee Strickland was certainly the highlight!!