Friday, March 11, 2011

Harley Davidson And The Marlboro Man

 Well after Rango anything I watched next was going to have big boots to fill. Cowboy sized ones to be sure! I got this as a freebie when I went to the video store the other day. I'd tried watching it years ago when it played on television. I think I gave up because it was crap and didn't see the end. This time round I saw the end and it is still definitely crap!!!
 By the end I felt nothing but frustration as this movie could have been so much better. I liked the idea but the execution was absolutely appalling. Don Johnson at the time was still riding the Miami Vice wave but he never did have the talent to step up into the film industry. I was getting seriously pissed off with him sticking a cigarette into his mouth and not lighting it. Trying to play cool but instead looking like a real dickhead!
 It is now hard to believe, after his outstanding performance in The Wrestler, that Mickey Rourke actually was once a poor actor and appeared in b-grade junk like this. Honestly Johnson is damn near out acting him! Unfortunately Rourke hasn't learnt his lesson appearing in Stallone's absolute travesty to the eyes and film goers intelligence, The Expendables.
 So the acting is bad, and I mean really bad! Both Johnson and Rourke are trying to play tough bikers. They are trying to be bad but just ain't! All they achieve is a pair of clowns who act all mucho and staunch but really are a pair of dicks. But they do it well! 
 But it gets worse! It is meant to be an action film. Sure there is action but it is pure garbage!! Honestly the shooting scenes see so much lead thrown around it makes Saving Private Ryan look like a walk in the park. Absolute bullshit!! I mean action films are for entertainment but a semblance of realism goes along way in bringing credibility to a movie. This also fails badly in that stake.
 The shooting really pissed me off. It is just so bad even by b-grade standards. I mean at one stage Rourke has a pistol with a .454 calibre, by any standards it is a canon. He accidently shoots Johnson in the arm with it and yet Johnson virtually gets up and walks away.  A .454 bullet in the arm would blow it clean off!!! I mean come on!!! The guys in black light weight kevlar coats are armed with Steyr rifles and have to be the worst shots in history. They couldn't hit the side of a barn if they tried! This is the rifle that the New Zealand Army uses for god's sake!! The amount of lead they let loose with could have won a small war.
 All in all the action sequences are very poor. To be sure it is an action flick and some artistic license has to be given but this stretched it too far. I just felt angry at the sheer absurditiy of it all. And with this came the inability for this a movie to be anything but rubbish. It is so disappointing because it could have been a real cracker of an actioner. It is hard to believe it has a'cult' following. Sure the bikes are great but it isn't a great 'bike' film. Neither Johnson or Rourke are convincing enough. If you want convincing then Ray Liotta in Wild Hogs at least looked like a mean bad-ass bikey. And it can't hold a candle to the ultimate bike film Easy Rider.
 This movie is garbage and it flopped at he box ofice. Deservedly so. A good premise is wasted with poor acting and rubbish action scenes. It feels more like a made for television movie than one made for the big screen. But believe it or nor I would watch it again, but only if it was because hell had frozen over! Seriously though it has got a certain appeal as a b-grader and a no brain drainer for a rainy day. This is a 'watch the once to say you have seen it' movie and nothing more because.... it really is crap!! Rango didn't have to fear  his boots being filled from this clanger did he?!
Click here for a synopsis and more:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102005/

8 comments:

  1. Good review! I'd agree that there isn't anything good about this movie!

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  2. Great comment...short, sweet and, to the point.

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