After finishing Buried I wasn't ready to go to bed even though it was 3.00 a.m. I also had no intention of following a movie called Buried with one of a similar title. That was just pure coincidence and didn't hit me until I started playing it. I don't really know why I picked this movie the other day. It looked as if some of the girls in it were good looking so maybe that got me. Or maybe the self glorifying sales pitch on the cover convinced me. Either way it made its way home and into the DVD player.
Well the first thing to be blatantly clear was the girls weren't actually girls..they were women!! I mean the oldest star is 28!! They are meant to be playing 18-19 year olds, but are nothing more than mutton dressd as lamb. ( Oh yeah...two get their clothes off for the obligatory 'titty' shots if you want to know ). It really annoys me when my intelligence is insulted when roles aren't played by actors of a more appropriate age. In my opinion the makers of Buried Alive should have changed their roles to ones more respective to their ages. I mean the age gaps between some of the guys compared to the 'girls' almost made them cougars!!!!!
The plot is the usual horror movie routine so there was nothing new there. In fact there is nothing new in the movie full stop. It is as terrible a horror as you will ever see. Unbelievably the first killing ( spectactuarly done with an axe ) takes almost an hour into the film to happen. And this is meant to be a slasher? In fact there are only four killings in the whole film! Two get buried alive at the end so aren't really 'slashed' to death. It just doesn't have enough blood and splatter to be taken seriously by any real horror afficianado.
There is also a real problem with the killer. She is an old woman and is seriously ugly and mean looking. She is actually genuinely scary! But what is she? Is she a ghost? If so how can she hold an axe? Is she a physical being? Then how does she come and go like a ghost? This is a real puzzle as the viewer can't understand what type of murdering entity it is supposed to be. It is a glaring hole in the script and just brings the movie down even more from its not already high loft.
All in all this is pure garbage. Even as far as b-grade horrors goes this is the pits. Tobin Bell it is fair to say isn't the greatest actor going but compared to his co-stars he puts in an Oscar winning performance!! I mean they are really terrible!! But for all its bad points it has one redeeming feature.
The old woman is absolutely scary!! Unusually for a horror on the small screen this did scare me and I genuinely jumped several times. That old hag is so ugly. That provides the frights because she appears so suddenly and is so ugly you can't help but do poos! Not only is the bitch hideous but she has an evil murderous look about her and is quite a memorable horror character. It is just a pity that everything around her is so bad that the whole film must be judged as crap even though there are some real scare moments.
A hard horror to call because the old woman is very good and very, very scary. The problem is that you have to wade through some real garbage to get to her. You'll probably use the fast forward button to get to her scenes just like I did, because in many respects the ugly hag from murdering bitchville isn't the real horror. The real horror is that a movie this bad was ever made!!!!!!!!! This is only to be seen when it is a very long wet week and you can't do much else. After watching it you won't cry if you had never seen it.Click here for some mind rot on this trash:
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